Am I Happy in My Relationship Quiz
Takeaway: It's normal to face challenges in any relationship. However, if you find yourself questioning your happiness more frequently, you might be contemplating the direction of your relationship. Dive into this relationship happiness quiz to gain insights that can guide you in making the best decisions for your well-being.
A healthy long lasting relationship is not always clearly defined or made. Two people will start the course of a relationship with a sense of hope in each other's presence; feelings and expectations align and respect builds as you test the waters of a new adventure together. As the newness wanes and more of who you both are shines through; you will start to notice things, ways in which you both manage other relationships, family, finances, career, past traumas, etc. Communication then, becomes the key to understand each other better, get to know one another more deeply and navigate compromises when there are differences of opinion.
If when these conversations happen it is still hard for you to find a resolution or a way forward that feels right for you; you may be starting to find yourself worried more often than not, sad or angry, and afraid that your relationship may not be what you need or want.
Understanding the signs of a happy relationship
A happy relationship manifests itself in open and honest communication between two people. A "happy" relationship does not mean "without problems" or having a "perfect" relationship 100 % of the time. You will need to tend to the relationship and remain mindful of what works and what does not work for yourself and your partner. Another key element to a happy fulfilling relationship is the relationship you have with yourself, to ensure that there is balance consistently between your individuality and the health of your relationship.
I always say in couple's counseling that there are three entities in the room, you, your partner, and your relationship.
Signs of a healthy happy relationship:
A comfortable pace
It’s completely normal and to be expected that you might want to spend a lot of time with someone when you first meet them. It is important that the relationship you are creating moves at a tempo that feels enjoyable for each of you. Communication between you and your partner about how the relationship is moving is crucial so that you are both clear and on the same page. In a healthy happy relationship, you do not feel rushed or pressured in a way that makes you feel overwhelmed or uncomfortable.
Trust
This goes without saying, building trust is important, co-creating a space between each of you in which you both feel comfortable and free to share and be. Trust gets built over time, it is not a given at the start of a relationship. Both of you are mindfully saying with every action you take in the relationship "You can trust me" "I am here for you".
Honesty
It is key to feel transparency in the relationship you are both creating. You are both allowing the other person to get to know you and vice versa. This becomes an important building block to allow for trust to build in the relationship. The happiness and ease you feel in the relationship comes from knowing the person you are relating to is being forthcoming, hence a sense of ease is felt.
Independence
Your ability to create space outside of your relationship to continue to work on yourself, your health, exercise, hobbies, career, and creative endeavors and to continue to nurture the relationships between your friends and family that you hold dear is supported by your partner and vice versa. You both find room to create the relationship you both want and the autonomy to continue to develop yourselves outside of the relationship. Your independence will be supported not feared, as you both continue to develop aspects of yourself in your life.
Respect
You value one another's beliefs and ideals, you learn to allow for space to hear each other's opinions. You feel comfortable setting boundaries and allow space for your partner to set those boundaries as well. They show genuine happiness and pride when you achieve something and support your growth. You and your partner learn to ask for what you need from each other and you listen to those needs.
Equality
The relationship feels balanced; there is a show of support on both ends. One person’s preferences and opinions do not dominate, and instead, you hear each other out and make compromises when you don’t want the same thing. You feel like your needs, wishes, and interests are just as important as the other person’s. Sometimes you might put in more (money, time, emotional support) than your partner, and vice versa, but the outcome always feels equitable and fair.
Kindness
Each of you shows caring and support, generosity, and genuine compassion for each other's presence and struggles. You provide comfort when one of you hits a rough patch. You do things intentionally that make the other person happy. You find ways to make each other feel special and appreciated every day as well as on anniversaries and special occasions.
Taking responsibility
We all make mistakes, it is important to own our mistakes and grow from them. In a healthy happy relationship, you avoid placing blame and can admit when you make a mistake. You genuinely apologize when you’ve done something wrong and continually try to make positive changes to better the relationship. You take ownership of the impact your words or behavior had, even if it wasn’t your intention.
Healthy conflict
Conflict is a normal part of any relationship. Everyone has disagreements, and that’s to be expected. Healthy conflict is making an intentional effort to recognize the root cause and address it before it escalates into something bigger. There is no belittling or yelling during an argument.
Fun!
You enjoy spending time together and talking to each other. There is an ease felt when you are together and you feel happy. You feel free to be who you are, let loose, and laugh! It is not realistic to expect the relationship to be fun all the time but the good times and positive energy definitely supersedes the bad. There can be rough patches but there is an intentional move to get to a place that is enjoyable to both of you.
Understanding signs of an unhappy relationship
It can be difficult to feel clear when you are in the midst of an unhappy or unhealthy relationship. We all have a past, a history that has told a story about who we are in relationships. Some of these stories carry past traumas, younger versions of ourselves or parts of ourselves that are still healing and growing. This is true for most people. Sometimes it is hard to define what is coming from you that you may need to take a closer look at and what may be coming from them and then it becomes your partner's responsibility to take a closer look should they choose to. No one can force the other to change or reflect on their behaviors, but you can start asking questions, have an honest conversation about the health and happiness of the relationship, and if there is outside help that can support your relationship. If these efforts have been made and there is still no resolution that feels good to you; you may be thinking if it is best to end the relationship.
Communication again is key to deciphering some of the confusing bumps along the relationship road.
Signs of an unhappy or unhealthy relationship:
Intensity
You may be feeling that the intensity with which your partner relates to you can be overwhelming or suffocating at times. They raise their voices a lot when they speak and they say that it is just the way they are, yet this causes anxiety for you or creates a sense of discomfort. They may want to move things along at a faster pace than feels comfortable to you and want to keep constant contact with you.
Possessiveness
Jealousy is a human emotion, everyone feels some degree of jealousy at one point or another, and being on the receiving end of this jealousy may even be flattering for some. While it is a normal human emotion, when your partner starts to use this emotion as an excuse to control what you do, where you go, or who you hang out with; it becomes unhealthy. These behaviors of possessiveness will often be excused as being overprotective or having "really strong feelings for you".
Manipulation
Manipulation can sometimes be hard to spot. Often manipulation is a combination of subtle passive-aggressive behaviors that can be easy to brush off or excuse. When your partner tries to convince you to do things you do not feel comfortable doing and ignores you or gets upset with you until they get what they want or attempt to influence your feelings after you already said you did not feel comfortable, these are all signs of manipulation.
Isolation
Isolation, like manipulation, often starts slowly, first, your partner may be asking for one-on-one time more often, then escalating to demand that you do not see some or all of your friends or some or all of your family. They may say things like they don't feel comfortable with them or feel judged or not liked by your friends or family and tell you that you don't care about them and their feelings when you hang out with those friends or family. You might start to stop hanging out with some of the people you normally hang out with out of fear of upsetting your partner; slowly, you may become more isolated and more dependent on your partner for support and validation.
Sabotage
Sabotage can include, keeping you from doing things that are important to you. Talking to others about you in an unkind way or criticizing your choices in public. Sabotage can also include, threatening to end your relationship if you don't stop doing some of those things that may be important or valuable to you.
Belittling
When you love someone, the way they look at you or talk about you becomes deeply important. When the person you love is rude to you, insults you, makes unkind remarks, or says things to make you feel bad about yourself, it can chip away at your self-esteem and confidence over time. These remarks may sometimes be played off as a joke " I was just kidding, or " you have no sense of humor".
Guilting
When your partner holds you responsible for their own emotional welfare. Your partner may say or do things to let you know that it is your fault they feel the way they feel. They may say that it is your responsibility to make them happy and may even pressure you into doing things that you are not comfortable with to make them happy.
Volatility
When someone has a strong unpredictable reaction that makes you feel scared or confused. You feel like you can not be fully yourself and need to tread lightly so as to not cause an undesired reaction. Your relationship has high highs and low lows. They may have an extreme reaction and do something that seems completely out of left field. These behaviors can become more frequent and escalate to losing control, violent behavior, yelling, and threats.
Deflecting responsibility
When your partner repeatedly makes excuses for their bad behavior. Saying things like "You made me do it", and "I was too drunk or high". Arguments become solely your responsibility.
Betrayal
When your partner acts disloyal or in an intentionally dishonest way. They may act like a different person around other people or share private information about you to others. It also includes lying, purposely leaving you out, or cheating on you.
There are differences between feeling unhappy independent of your relationship and having an unhappy relationship. If you are contemplating these differences and if you may be experiencing the effects of depression anxiety or post-traumatic stress it is important for you to seek support for yourself. You are not alone and you deserve to feel joy.
For any mental health-related emergencies please contact 988. A person trained to help is available for you 24/7
Relationship happiness quiz
A healthy long-lasting relationship is not always clearly defined or made. Two people will start the course of a relationship with a sense of hope in each other's presence; feelings and expectations align and respect builds as you test the waters of a new adventure together. As the newness wanes and more of who you both are shines through; you will start to notice things, ways in which you both manage other relationships, family, finances, career, past traumas, etc. Communication then, becomes the key to understanding each other better, getting to know one another more deeply, and navigating compromises when there are differences of opinion.
Sometimes we need a little extra help and perspective.
Take this relationship quiz and find out more:
Does your partner receive your concerns about the pace of your relationship positively and with a stance of curiosity?
A- Frequently, B- Sometimes, C- Rarely
Do you trust your partner?
A- Frequently, B- Sometimes, C- Rarely
Do you feel that you can share everything with your partner openly and truthfully?
A- Frequently, B- Sometimes, C- Rarely
Do you feel that you have the space outside of your relationship to continue to grow in yourself, your goals, your career, and your relationships?
A- Frequently, B- Sometimes, C- Rarely
Do you feel comfortable setting boundaries and are confident that the other person will respect those boundaries?
A- Frequently, B- Sometimes, C- Rarely
Do you feel supported when you set out to do something new?
A- Frequently, B- Sometimes, C- Rarely
When you receive an award an accomplishment or reach a milestone, does your partner show genuine happiness for you?
A- Frequently, B- Sometimes, C- Rarely
Does your partner genuinely apologize when they make a mistake and continuously try to make positive changes to improve the relationship?
A- Frequently, B- Sometimes, C- Rarely
Is your partner's behavior respectful in the way your partner relates to you in your routines and when conflict arises?
A- Frequently, B- Sometimes, C- Rarely
Do you enjoy spending time with your partner; and feel like you like talking to and having long conversations with them?
A- Frequently, B- Sometimes, C- Rarely
Interpreting your results
This quiz is only a tool to help you obtain clarity and understand what you are feeling. It is not a definitive answer to what you should or should not do with your relationship.
Take some time to add your answers, if you are seeing:
Mostly A’s
It means that you are frequently feeling happy and fulfilled in your relationship. Your partner supports you, helps you feel valued and is consistently making efforts to improve the quality of the relationship between you. You feel trust in your partnership and feel joy in each other's presence. There may still be some questions that are lingering for you but based on these answers it seems that your partner will be prepared to hear you and make a genuine attempt at understanding your concerns and work toward a compromise that feels right for both of you.
Mostly B's
This means that you may be getting some of what you need but are left feeling confused or unfulfilled some of the time. You may be starting to ask yourself pretty important questions about the direction your relationship is taking and whether or not you can create the space to have important conversations to alter the course of your relationship. You may need to start having these conversations with your partner. It can be scary and overwhelming to start these conversations and you may feel the urge to ignore and hope that things will change. You may fear losing something you love and have invested so much time and effort in. It is important that you feel the fear and do it anyway, if you leave the concerns you have for later, these have the potential to grow and turn into blowouts and ongoing conflict. You will not feel satisfied or fulfilled if you avoid having difficult conversations. Do it! start the hard conversations, you may feel pleasantly surprised by the way your concerns are received and you can positively alter the course of your relationship into a more fulfilling and happy adventure.
Mostly C's
This means that you rarely get what you need out of your relationship. There has been a breakdown in trust or the foundation may have been faulty from the start. You may feel more often than not that your partner's behavior is unkind or rude. You may even start to feel like you can't be all of who you are out of fear of a negative reaction or blowout. You don't feel supported or may be experiencing some loneliness in your relationship and feel trapped or stuck. You may feel that your boundaries are not respected and often dismissed or belittled. You may be recalling a time when it was not like this when you were happy and hoping and waiting for these times to return. You may love your partner and feel that it may be worse if you end the relationship and that you will feel even more alone. If you feel it is safe for you to bring up these important conversations, and maybe even bring up the idea of counseling; it may be a way for you to have more clarity and resolve feeling stuck. Couples counseling can bring more clarity for both of you, even if the answer is to end the relationship you will not be alone in making these decisions. If it is unsafe for you to start having these conversations, you feel that your partner will not change and will not hear you out. It may be time to end the relationship.
Ending a relationship can create the space for a more fulfilling relationship in the future. You deserve joy in every aspect of your life and your relationship is not an exception.
Note: If you are seeing unhealthy signs in your relationship, it is important to not ignore them as they can escalate to abuse.
Trust yourself. If you are in immediate danger call 911. If you need to speak to someone about being in an unsafe partnership please contact the National DV hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE (7233). Available 24/7
For any mental health-related emergencies please contact 988
Find support for happy and healthy relationships
I help create a sense of safety, trustworthiness, and transparency around what to expect in our sessions together. I believe in collaboration and mutuality in the therapeutic process to promote empowerment and choice.
I provide therapy for individuals feeling frustrated and unable to resolve conflict in their relationships or manage relationship stressors in everyday life.
Human beings desire and hope to have deep and meaningful relationships. So often replaying unhelpful patterns or acting out old scripts gets in the way of that desire and leaves us feeling unsuccessful and stuck.
I CAN HELP WITH
Relationship conflict
Difficulty expressing your wants and needs
Integrating what was learned from past relationships into the present & future
Parenting stress
Family dynamics that have stopped creating joy
Divorce and breakups
Together, we will explore how past relationship dynamics are showing up in the way that you relate to others.
It’s common to interpret relationships and interactions based on past experiences which may not accurately reflect the present moment. By bringing awareness to the patterns/scripts at play, it becomes possible to discover new ways of being in relationship with oneself and others.
It is never too late to take action.
You are valuable and deserve to feel fulfillment and joy in every aspect of your life.
Don't hesitate to schedule a free 15 minute consultation.
